Just De

Just De
Just De in Manhattan

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Actions speak louder than words in politics and in love

A fabulous friend of mine from New York called to check in on me to see how I was doing post-breakup. I was in a pretty decent mood, no major meltdowns or setbacks as of yet. We started talking about the ups and downs of the breakup process and began to compare it to the current political climate.

Right now, America is pretty upset with the economy, oil spills, natural disasters, any and everything you can think of and our President is the one getting the blame. Never mind that's less than two years since he took office and it took several years under different leadership for the economy to evolve they way it has. That's besides the point. People want change and they are trying to say anything to get your vote. The Republicans are blaming the Democrats and vice versa. Some of the Rhinos have even gone rogue and created other parties like the Tea Party. I can go on and on about this because it's one big mess!!!

As my friend and I continued to talk about the state of the Union, the things we liked and didn't like, she said something down right profound.

"Men are just politicians, they will say anything to get your vote."

When my friend said it, I had a big AHA moment. Men who simply like you, enjoy your company, enjoy your time and enjoy having fun with you, will say the things they think you want to hear. They will study your mannerism, learn your mood swings, and test the waters every chance they get.

[Now I know in my small readership, there are men who take the time to read what I have to say, and I appreciate it. Please don't think this blog will read "The life of Debbie Downer, male bashing spinster." I promise I will share extreme joys in the near future.]

But some men will test the waters with women, even when they know in their minds they have no intention of making a committment to the women they are with at the time. It's pretty simple when it comes to men. They either want to be with you or not. Hind sight is 20/20 during a breakup and I can say that with authority. I found some old emails between me and my ex and I and one in particular stands out. Because I am a writer, I had a tendency to write emails-- love notes, I guess-- to him just to let him know how I felt. I found this one email he wrote that said "You're not getting rid of me anytime soon, I'm not going anywhere." The time stamp on that was about four years ago. He was right, he didn't go anywhere anytime soon and I couldn't get rid of him. But during that time, his actions weren't exactly that of the perfect boyfriend either.

The thing I neglected to notice about my ex is that he didn't do the little things, and to be honest very few of the big things too that mattered. While all his words sounded so good and so sweet, the obvious fact was his actions didn't support those words. I used to justify it as "he just doesn't know how to be a good guy, or he doesn't know how to be sweet, exc." But the truth of it was, he wasn't that into me. Yep, I know it's a corny title to a book. But it's true. He wasn't into me. You know how I know: because all of the things I yearned for him to do for me over the course of nine years, he is doing for his current love/future
wife/possible baby mama, all in the matter of weeks.

How I am choosing happiness is: learning to understand the signs of a politician. It's never about words and all about actions. Men will say anything to keep you around. It's because you are pretty, sexy, wealthy smart, funny or just because you are there. They will say anything to keep you around. But once they get their life together, get bored, or finally meet the one who they actively want to be with, they will not give a crap about you.

Before I got off the phone with my fabulous friend, I asked her when do men stop being on the campaign trail and stop all of the games and nonsense?

"Well, they stop wasting your time, when they are truly in love with you."

I have to say, I am excited to experience that when it finally happens to me. I'm just getting a little impatient. But I know I am getting a little closer to it.

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